it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
