Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
accomplished twins. life is a go
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
