My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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