he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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