We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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