So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
