he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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