I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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