Umm I'm too high to move.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
