Barsexuality is the new black.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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