Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
