Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
