All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
