Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
