my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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