Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i think i just lost a toe
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
