I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Houston, we have a blender
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
