if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
