Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
