and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
