My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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