Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Couch. On fire.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
