I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
