He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
tell me about the fingering
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
