watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
