smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
