i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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