I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
