i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize