Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
