Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
