my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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