and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
