I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
