These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
