good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
