ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
