Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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