Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
