I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
