Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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