Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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