this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
