I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
