I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
