They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
