come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
