Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
