I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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