so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
