Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
