and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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