btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
accomplished twins. life is a go
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dicks are not precious.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
