whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
