Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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