I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
